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Various

"Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, October 17, 1917"

Now you know.
Our Adjutant had a telephone call not long ago. "Army speaking," said
a voice. "Will you send somebody over to Rataplan and see if there is
a Town Major there?"
The Adjutant said he would, and a N.C.O. was despatched forthwith. He
returned later, reporting no symptoms of one, so the Adjutant rang
up Exchange and asked to be hooked on to Army Headquarters. "Which
branch?" Exchange inquired. "Why, really I don't know--forgot to ask,"
the Adjutant confessed. "I'll have a try at 'A.'"
"Hello," said "A." "There is no Town Major at Rataplan," said the
Adjutant. "You astound me, Fair Unknown," said "A."; "but what about
it, anyway?" The Adjutant apologised and asked Exchange for "Q."
department. "Hello," said "Q." "There is no Town Major at Rataplan,"
said the Adjutant. "Sorry, old thing, whoever you are," said "Q.,"
"but we don't stock 'em. Rations, iron; perspirators, box; oil, whale,
delivered with promptitude and civility, but NOT Town Majors--sorry."
The Adjutant sighed and consulted with Exchange as to who possibly
could have rung him up.
Exchange couldn't guess unless it was "I."--no harm in trying, anyhow.
"Hello!" said "I." "There is no Town Major at Rataplan," the Adjutant,
droned somewhat wearily. "Wha-t!" "I." exclaimed, suddenly interested.


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