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380. The love of dominion of one over the other entirely takes away
marriage love and its heavenly delight, for as has been said above,
marriage love and its delight consists in the will of one being that
of the other, and this mutually and reciprocally. This is destroyed
by love of dominion in marriage, since he that domineers wishes his
will alone to be in the other, and nothing of the other's will to be
reciprocally in himself, which destroys all mutuality, and thus all
sharing of any love and its delight one with the other. And yet this
sharing and consequent conjunction are the interior delight itself
that is called blessedness in marriage. This blessedness, with
everything that is heavenly and spiritual in marriage love, is so
completely extinguished by love of dominion as to destroy even all
knowledge of it; and if that love were referred to it would be held
in such contempt that any mention of blessedness from that source
would excite either laughter or anger. [2] When one wills or loves
what the other wills or loves each has freedom, since all freedom is
from love; but where there is dominion no one has freedom; one is a
servant, and the other who rules is also a servant, for he is led as
a servant by the lust of ruling.
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