"
Immediately it occurred that these words were to me; why else
should they be directed in such a manner, just at the moment when I
was mourning over my condition, as one forsaken of God and man?
"Well, then," said I, "if God does not forsake me, of what ill
consequence can it be, or what matters it, though the world should
all forsake me, seeing on the other hand, if I had all the world,
and should lose the favour and blessing of God, there would be no
comparison in the loss?"
From this moment I began to conclude in my mind that it was
possible for me to be more happy in this forsaken, solitary
condition than it was probable I should ever have been in any other
particular state in the world; and with this thought I was going to
give thanks to God for bringing me to this place. I know not what
it was, but something shocked my mind at that thought, and I durst
not speak the words. "How canst thou become such a hypocrite,"
said I, even audibly, "to pretend to be thankful for a condition
which, however thou mayest endeavour to be contented with, thou
wouldst rather pray heartily to be delivered from?" So I stopped
there; but though I could not say I thanked God for being there,
yet I sincerely gave thanks to God for opening my eyes, by whatever
afflicting providences, to see the former condition of my life, and
to mourn for my wickedness, and repent.
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