that
those men were enemies to my life, and would devour me if they
could; that it was self-preservation, in the highest degree, to
deliver myself from this death of a life, and was acting in my own
defence as much as if they were actually assaulting me, and the
like; I say though these things argued for it, yet the thoughts of
shedding human blood for my deliverance were very terrible to me,
and such as I could by no means reconcile myself to for a great
while. However, at last, after many secret disputes with myself,
and after great perplexities about it (for all these arguments, one
way and another, struggled in my head a long time), the eager
prevailing desire of deliverance at length mastered all the rest;
and I resolved, if possible, to get one of these savages into my
hands, cost what it would. My next thing was to contrive how to do
it, and this, indeed, was very difficult to resolve on; but as I
could pitch upon no probable means for it, so I resolved to put
myself upon the watch, to see them when they came on shore, and
leave the rest to the event; taking such measures as the
opportunity should present, let what would be.
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